Bears - Guest blog by The General

I've been keeping a weather eye on the bear situation for a while now.  I observe them, I learn from them, and I hunt them.

Watching bears.  Typical Saturday.

There are a few things about bears that I can respect.  One:  they can find food anywhere, just like me.  Two:  They aren't afraid to crap in the woods, just like me.  Three:  they know the importance of quality sleep.

Hibernating.  In a den.  Bears got this idea from me.

Though bears clearly have some things going for them, there are also some obvious problems.  First and foremost, they are bigger than me.  I don't respect it, and I don't trust it.  Hand to hand combat often comes down to size and ability to grow body hair, and most people would therefore lose to a bear.  Luckily, I am trained in the marital arts.  Therefore, I make it my duty to hunt bears.

The General: 1, Bears: 0

That is all.  Class dismissed.

Snow day soup - Creamy sherried tomato soup

Or cold rain.  Or sun.  Or whatever weather really, because it is THAT good.  I have to thank Elaine for finding this recipe...I have stolen it for my stomach and for this blog.

Ingredients:
6 tbsp butter
1 cup chopped onion
46 oz. tomato juice
28 oz diced tomato
1.5 tbsp chicken base (you can find this next to the chicken boullion in the grocery store)
5 tbsp. sugar
salt and pepper to taste
1 cup cooking sherry (you can find this next to the vinegar in the grocery store)
1.5 cups of heavy whipping cream
parsley to taste
basil to taste

Step 1:  Melt the butter in a large pot, and throw in the chopped onion.  Simmer over medium heat until the onions are transluscent.

Step 2:  Add the juice, tomatoes, chicken base, sugar, salt, and peper.  Stir, cover, and heat until it almost reaches a boil.

Step 3:  Chase the hound dog out of the pantry.

Step four:  Add the sherry and the cream.

Stir and bring to a simmer.  Add basil and parsley to taste and serve.  Thank me later, because this stuff is AMAZING.

An open letter to my fans - The General, guest blogger

ATTENTION!

Read this and learn, young bucks!  I have some very important advice. to give.  I will use my protege, Fritz Schnakenburg, to illustrate my points.

That's right, Fritz, drink this knowledge.

In order to make it in the world, there are some very basic rules that one needs to follow in order to keep up appearances.  In addition to eating the delicious and nutritious meals that my roommate outlines on this blog, one should make sure that he does his part to always command authority out in the world.

First of all, exercise.  This keeps you alert and ready to go to war whenever you are called to duty.  I, of course, am always on duty, as a decorated 6-Star general.  I like to take my dog for a run whenever I can.

Second.  Always match your belt with your tie.  Don't be a slob, boy.  Neither women nor terrorists respect a slob.

Third.  Do not drive a Miata, or everyone will hate you.

Your fist pump makes it even worse than it already was.

Fourth.  Make sure at the end of every argument that you force your enemy to beg.  This ensures your eternal dominance.

Out of fingers (they took my thumbs in 'Nam...bastards. I didn't have a matching belt that day).  Anyway, top off your day of dominance with a good night of sleep.

Break these rules, and I bet you will lose your thumbs (and respect) too.

I am watching you.

It's fall! Squash your cravings

What could be better than a fall veggie in the form of comfort food?  Well, pizza could be better, but if you HAVE to be healthy, cheesy squash casserole is a good alternative.

I like to use yellow squash because it is fun to slice and easy to pick up at a farmers' market.  Slice up about 4 cups of yellow squash, and put it into a pan with 1/2 c chopped onion.  Add a little water to the pan and cook over medium heat for about 7 mins, until theveggies are tender.

Here comes the fun part...take a tube of Ritz crackers (about 35 crackers), and smack the tube over and over with a spoon, rolling pin, sorority paddle - whatever you have lying around.

I had a little too much fun with this...

Pour the tube into a medium bowl after it is all smashed up, and stir in 1 cup of grated cheddar cheese.  In another bowl, whisk together 3/4 cup of milk with 2 eggs.

Mix half of the cracker-cheese mixture into the squash-onion mixture.  Add 1/4 cup of melted butter and stir everything together.  Pour the squash into a casserole dish (9 x 13, whatever fits).  Top the casserole with the other half of the cracker mix.

pre-cooked

Pop the casserole into the oven at 400 degrees and cook until the top is brown (about 20-25 mins).  Dig in.

*to make a healthy version, use skim milk, fat free cheddar, reduced fat Ritz, and light butter substitute.

**to jazz it up, serve with Sriracha or Tabasco, etc.

I ate mine with a ground lamb patty garnished with apple mint jelly.