An open letter to my fans - The General, guest blogger

ATTENTION!

Read this and learn, young bucks!  I have some very important advice. to give.  I will use my protege, Fritz Schnakenburg, to illustrate my points.

That's right, Fritz, drink this knowledge.

In order to make it in the world, there are some very basic rules that one needs to follow in order to keep up appearances.  In addition to eating the delicious and nutritious meals that my roommate outlines on this blog, one should make sure that he does his part to always command authority out in the world.

First of all, exercise.  This keeps you alert and ready to go to war whenever you are called to duty.  I, of course, am always on duty, as a decorated 6-Star general.  I like to take my dog for a run whenever I can.

Second.  Always match your belt with your tie.  Don't be a slob, boy.  Neither women nor terrorists respect a slob.

Third.  Do not drive a Miata, or everyone will hate you.

Your fist pump makes it even worse than it already was.

Fourth.  Make sure at the end of every argument that you force your enemy to beg.  This ensures your eternal dominance.

Out of fingers (they took my thumbs in 'Nam...bastards. I didn't have a matching belt that day).  Anyway, top off your day of dominance with a good night of sleep.

Break these rules, and I bet you will lose your thumbs (and respect) too.

I am watching you.