And in the beginning...

Small, seemingly cute woodland creatures have never liked me.  This fact has always perplexed me, because I very much like them (unless they fall into the category of "squirrels who  eat my garden and manipulate my useless dogs").  It all started back when I was a wee toddler, only 3 years old, living in England.

Me, as a toddler.

I am an oldest child (a fact that neither of my sisters will let me forget), and as such, I was basically a metaphorical guinea pig* for my parents.  Anyway, one of my favorite activities while we lived in London was to go to St. James Park, because there were ducks and British teenagers with purple hair.  Anyway, one of the major differences between London and my homeland of Texas is that London is bloody cold by comparison.  My parents cared about me to an extent, and therefore bundled me up in winter jackets before my outdoor adventures.  I was small and the jacket was large, therefore causing me to lurch along in a sort of starfish-shaped slow and clumsy gallop. Then they inadvertantly found a great way to entertain themselves...

Like most children, I really got a kick out of feeding the ducks.  In an effort to cut down on the obnoxious screams of "Mommy, Daddy, more bread!" my parents decided to stuff all the pockets of my winter jacket full of it so I could be my own woman for duck-feeding endeavors.  The plan seemed great until you come face-to-face with the obvious.  Where you find ducks, you also find geese.  Unlike ducks, geese are mean, and geese are large.  Geese will also chase you, tackle you, and bite you (and possibly eat you, or so I have been told).  So there I was, barely able to propel myself forward due to my jacket, and basically holding the motherload of bread on my person.  Did you know that geese growl?  Oh yes, they sound a lot like a bear with an inconvenient itch right before they start flapping their wings while running 25 mph towards a person half their size.

The stuff of nightmares.

Needless to say, my parents found the whole scene hilarious (til the geese actually caught me, at which time they were kind enough to intervene).  Bloody good timing.

*more stories about guinea pigs to come later...