Green thumb: fail

As many of my friends will tell you, I get these crazy ideas in my head for hobbies that I am initially really excited about and then either quickly lose interest or suffer some sort of disheartening injury that ruins the entire experience for me.  Gardening is really no different, except for the fact that I am a little more stubborn about it than most things.

I have inherited my mother's skills for killing plantlife, though I like to think that I have taken it to a new level.  In law school, I actually managed to kill a cactus.  Yes, a Texan not only couldn't keep the cactus alive, but actually demolished all signs of life and extinguished its little plant soul.  I am currently in the process of methodically (though unintentionally) eliminating the very expensive landscaping that accompanied my house when I bought it two years ago.  This, however, has taken a great deal of effort that is not to be overlooked.

When I first moved in, I immediately set up some window boxes on the railing of the front porch.  I bought all the necessary components to plant some lovely trailing impatients and set out to complete the planting process.  I am on my porch making everything look pretty as I dig around the potting soil and get the little baby plants situated nicely when I think to myself, "Hmmm what is that really weird humming noise?"  All of a sudden something hits my neck and I used my dirt covered hand to smack at it.  All of a sudden hundreds of things start smacking me and then the stinging began.  Yep, yellowjackets.  Angry ones.  I managed to do a Matrix-esque dive through my front door which I immediately followed with a sobbing phone call to my exterminator's voicemail and enjoyed hideous disfigurement for a week before I could face finishing my window boxes.

Then I decided to plant a cherry tree, in spite of the fact that my property is best described as "wooded" (though not with pretty cherry trees).  I needed a hole that was about 1 foot deep and 1 foot across.  Three hours later and with the assistance of bolt cutters, I managed to get through enough of the sub-surface root layer to stuff the sapling in and pounce on top of it til it almost fit.  I lurched around for a week after that funfest.

I refuse to weed my flowerbeds, because that's where the bugs live.  There is also a very nasty stray cat that tends to camp out under one of my azalea bushes, and he scares me.  I figure the landscaping's best shot at success is for me not to touch it which probably explains it looks like the beginning of a hoarder house.

So you get the idea...not so great with plants or manual labor.  The point is, I try hard, and I entertain my neighbors while doing so.

This is my current garden gear. I don't mess around.