Revenge for the peaches

Squirrels, even fat ones, are nasty little buggers that move the speed of light if given the proper motivation.  College was an amazing 4 years, and during that time I was able to experience some of the most aggressive and ballsy squirrels that this country has to offer.  Bucknell University, located in Lewisburg, PA, has a wonderful animal behavior program.  In fact, I was an animal behavior major for the first two years I was there, until organic chemistry forever broke my spirit.  Anyway, the animal facility on campus regularly rotated species in and out of its doors to give the students some variety.  Before my time, squirrels were tenants of the lab.  When they were done with their sentence, they were released back on to the campus, hellbent on vengence against the students and faculty.  You could always tell which squirrels were mentally "funny" because the animal behavior lab bleached white spots above their tails.

These offbeat squirrels would run helter skelter across the campus, had no fear of people, and had bear strength.  It was not odd to see a squirrel running down the steps of the Langone Center with a slice of pizza in one hand and a Mountain Dew in the other. 

Animal Behavior Center squirrels - just not right in the head anymore.

Anyway, one day, my sophomore year, I was walking back to my dorm when I decided that my gum had lost its flavor, so I needed to throw it away.  I knew that the "funny" squirrels had an abnormal love of campus trash cans (perhaps the dark box like shape reminded them of their apartment at the Behavior Center).  It was not abnormal to see a few white butted squirrels shimmy up and down the sides of the trashcans a few times a day.  However, on THIS particular day, I tossed my gum into the trash can, and before I could react, a funny squirrel hurled itself out of the top of the trashcan and obtained a firm grip on my peacoat at chest level.  He started making terrible chirping noises.  At the time, I was enrolled in a history class that had just covered various torture techniques that involved rodents (albeit usually rats).  I naturally began to panic and started screaming and running in eratic circles while the squirrel climbed up and down my body multiple times before it jumped off and returned to the trash can, where it kept chirping.  From then on, I used extreme caution when approaching outdoor trashcans.

In light of recent events and the fact that General Kane is not an effective squirrel deterrent, I have invested in another Treeing Walker Coonhound, who I hope will be as effective as Lucy in keeping the squirrels away from my fruit and veggie supply.   It's on.

Millie, a ferocious weapon of rodent carnage.