Hurricane provisions

In addition to beer, wine, liquor, and unfortunately necessary drinking water, I have also prepared a massive quantity of food that will keep easily for a week in the event that I lose power.  The other side of the street has no power, so for now I am enjoying my a/c and my television now that my preparations for Irene are complete.  Soooo here we go: easy eats - island quinoa delight.

Cook 1 cup of quinoa (put the quinoa in a pan with 2c water, bring it to a boil, and then reduce to a simmer and cook until the water is totally absorbed - about 20-25 mins).  Once the quinoa is done, put it in the fridge for at least 6 hours to chill.

After the quinoa is chilled, take about 3 cobs of sweet corn, and cut off the kernals.  Put the kernals in a large bowl.  Add a can of drained black beans.  Dice about half of a red onio and add that to the bowl as well.  Add chopped rotisserie chicken (a great way to use leftovers!).  This is what the mix will look like:

Next comes the fun part - the shazam factor.  Add your flava in the form of mango tequila jalepeno sauce (or some variation thereof)

This sauce is what I call "sweet with heat" and really adds some flavor to the salad.  Don't add too much though, or it will overpower the flavors of the veggies and chicken.

Next, stir in your quinoa and mix the whole salad together so the flavors really spread out over everything.

Keep it in tuperware in the fridge til you are read to serve!

All I need to do now is figure out how to calm the dogs down since they ae staying rater attached to my side.

Granted, we have had both an earthquake and a hurricane this week...poor things.

No wake!

In honor of the exagerated fury of Hurricane Irene, I want to take my readers back to my childhood in Houston, Texas.  Houston, of course, is regularly subject to major storms and hurricanes, and since it is built on a swamp, it floods almost instantly.  As a child, this was basically like turning the neighborhood into a giant, awesome water park.  School would be called off and all the kids would immediately pour into the streets, meeting at Southside Park.  Generally, I would trek around the streets with my sisters, Kate, Will, Ben, or some combination thereof.  We would end up soaking wet, ant-bitten, and would dodge swimming snakes (most of which were likely poisonous, but eh, no biggie).  Then would come family time...

My mother, in addition to being quite a personality, is also an oceanographic engineer.  I mention this because it is important to understand that this led to regular use of nautical terminology in our household.  Anyway, she would dress up in her oversized (way oversized) raingear and bright red galoshes and station herself in the driveway.  Her activities for the day would consist of talking to the neighbors and keeping a weather eye out for large trucks.  There was, of course, no shortage of large trucks, because we are talking about Texas.  The trucks would usually drive down the flooded roads, and according to my mother, would cause large waves that would crash into and dent the garage door.  Therefore, my mom would stand in the driveway screaming "NO WAKE!" at these trucks, often including a combination of hand gestures.  I must admit that I quite enjoyed watching her throw the bird at a school bus driver (the bus was empty at the time). 

The point is, hurricanes are awesome so long as no major damage is done, and everyone should quit their complaining.  And remember:  No wake!

Favorite Richmond Restaurants

Since my life rotates around food, I have been carefully sifting through the culinary offerings of my new home since I moved here a few years ago.  Of course this list will change regularly as chefs and restaurants come and go, but here is how it stands as of today...

Brunch (aka the greatest meal ever invented)

Millie's - check out the soft lobster scramble, the Cajun Mess, or my beloved huevos rancheros with a generous mimosa and addictive coffee  http://milliesdiner.com/

Lulu's - I always get the salsa chicken verde chilaquiles  http://www.lulusrichmond.com/
Can Can - I crave the ham and gruyere crepes all the time, with a classy cappucino http://cancanbrasserie.com/0408_opening.html

Lunch - weekdays

My abs.

Kenn Tico has a DELICIOUS Cuban sandwich, and rumor has it that the mojitos are fabulous http://www.kennticocubanbargrill.com/

Moveable Feast - fresh sandwiches and salads galore - a great place for fresh options and I get a little too excited about their morning emailed specials

City Dogs - a whole menu of hot dogs?!  Awesome.

JoJo's - best pizza ever, quite possibly because it is made of 95% grease.  Don't forget to get the fries.

the carts - I am usually at Christopher's Runaway Gourmet or the taco cart for a pork burrito and fresh guac

Dinner
Dinner is pretty much equal parts food and drink for me

Best food, hands down, is Julep's http://juleps.net/ - get whatever the special is

Best seafood is Pescado's, China Street, where I highly recommend the fish tacos with a mango mojito http://www.pescadosseafood.com/
Best TexMex - Nuevo Mexico, a surprising little gem with generous margaritas included in a $2.95/rita happy hour
Best casual fare - Mosaic - I love the tuna salad and the seafood mac 'n cheese is awesome http://mosaicedibles.com/

Geese - again

As we all know, I have a long-standing feud with geese.  For some reason, I also always constantly find myself living in ideal goose habitat.  Growing up in Texas, there was the inevitable problem of dead geese mounted on walls as trophies (creepy).  Grandparents were in Florida and New Jersey, both living next to lakes.  College was in PA right next to a river, and of course law school was next to both a river and a lake.  Suffice to say, these little monsters had me surrounded from the get-go.

We want to kill you.

I adopted my first pup Lucy my second year of law school.  She was a mix of curious and scared of everything at first - for example, she attempted to play with a copperhead, which didn't end well.  The point is, I knew we were a perfect pair when I discovered that the only things she had violent aggression toward were geese.

Lucy, after an afternoon of goose chasing.

Who the F buys these?

It all started when we went on a run in the subdivision near the lake.  Obviously, the first offensive thing was the subdivision itself (I find sub-d's creepy, and nothing will change my mind so save your hate mail).  We are chugging along (well I chugged, Lucy pranced effortlessly), and all of a sudden Lucy stopped dead in her tracks and let out a full on hound howl.  I kept chugging (I had a lot of retractable leash to work with), and all of a sudden, Lucy took off like a shot.  Of  course, she did this by cutting directly across my path, causing me to drop the leash and take a nasty fall on to pavement, but that really is beside the point of this story.  When I lifted my head up, there's my dog, sitting in someones front yard, holding a plastic goose yard ornament by the neck.  In fact, she pounced on that thing so hard that the neck split.

I was bleeding and delighted all at once, and yet knew that I had to do the right thing and approach the proud owner of the plastic victim to offer to replace it.  Fortunately, the homeowner wasn't home, nor were any of the neighbors (probably at some subdivision Satan worship meeting).  Soooo, since I didn't have a pad of paper, I propped the thing up as best I could and got back to my chugging.

That event only empowered Lucy, who saw it as evidence that she would definitely win in a goose-Lucy showdown.  From that day on, she would swim, run, hop rocks, whatever it takes, to get to a goose with murder on her mind.  Gosh darnit I miss that dog so much.

Why I am the best big sister ever

Growing up, I was the greatest thing since sliced bread to my younger sisters.  My middle sister is 4 years younger than me (though obviously everyone says I look younger), and my youngest sister is 10 years younger than me (oopsy!).  Of course they are both thin and bleach blonde, and I am their shorter less fortunate brown haired sibling with rounder features.

Anyway, all I ever asked for from my parents was my own horse (a white one named Lightning), and an older brother.  So understandably, I had to make do with a stick horse and two younger girls following me everywhere and later occupying my Saturday nights in my roll as "free babysitter." 

Clearly I had to incorporate these little (taller than me) genetically similar things into my social life.  Since I was awesome, I let Emma play with me and my friends.  I would play Davy Crockett (and Davy Crockett's wife) with either Will or Kenny, and Emma could either be our pet dog or Russel's wife (Davy's sidekick, thank you Disney).  When we were alone, I let Emma hang out with me in my room in exchange for carrying the dead roaches to the toilet after the exterminator came (no, we were not trashy hoarders, we grew up in the swamp that is now Houston, and roaches there are the size of small dogs, AND they can fly).  Also fun for her was getting to participate in my carefully choreographed dance performances to the entire Beatles White Album (practice makes perfect).  She also got to participate in the role of "attacker" in my self-taught self defense exercises.  At Cape Cod, due to my fear of crabs and my concern that Emma not develop the same fear, I trained her by having her pull me around the water in a float for days on end.  Ohhhh she was a lucky lady.

Mary kindly arrived in the world on Christmas at 3:14 a.m.  Another girl, woooooo.  In addition to the initial disappointment that I again wasn't getting a big brother (or a horse), we were forced to stare at a mound of presents under the Christmas tree, which we were forbidden to touch, for 4 days, because mom was "tired."  We didget pizza for Christmas dinner, though, which was pretty sweet.  Mary, of course, functioned as a living doll, pretty much.  She is singularly responsible for teaching all of my friends how to one day be mediocre moms (members of my girl scout troop may or may not have dislocated her shoulder during arm swinging....not me mom!).  She was also a lot of fun to sneak up on and scare.  Being 10 years younger than me, she didn't get to have quite as much fun as Emma did as my younger sister.  But, she did suffer as an only child in my parents house for a number of years after Emma and I ran away to impressive colleges.  Too bad my parents ran out of steam after I graduated from high school...you kids got it so easy.

Emma of course can now (and occasionally does) beat me up (she is especially dangerous around feeding time).  Mary is half my size with twice my wardrobe.  All I can say is "you're welcome."

Kielbasa is French for "thumb" - General Kane

Here I am, thinking about foreign things.



As everyone knows, I am a worldly man who speaks many languages that are foreign.  I like to translate things for my roommate as she cooks for me and my dog.  Tonight, she cooked kielbasa, which everyone knows is French for "thumb."  I know how to say thumb in every language, since I have to know how to tell people that they took my thumbs in 'Nam no matter where I travel in order to avoid awkward situations.

I enjoy my kielbasa with red wine.  You can tell it is red because of the color.  Yes, I am also a smellier in my spare time.  People are jealous of my knowledge of life and travel.  Don't backtalk me, Hop Scotch.



Waiting for kielbasa with my dog, Millie.



Kielbasa: Looks like a turd, but it tastes absurd

I love sausage, and don't even try to take that to the gutter.  Sausage is one of the few fabulous things in this world that is perfect in any meal, no matter what time of day.  My two favorites are chorizo, and smoked kielbasa (for fellow dieters out there, they do make "Lite Kielbasa" now, which is almost as good as the real thing).  So, yes, let's speak Polish for a while.  My favorite way to eat kielbasa is straight off the grill.

Deeelish.  Here are a few other ways to get your smokey on:

Kielbasa stir fry

Slice up a mix of red, green, and yellow bell peppers, and some onions.  Sautee the veggies in a frying pan with some butter while you throw the kielbasa on the grill.  When the veggies are almost cooked (the onions won't quite be transluscent), slice up the kielbasa and throw it in.  Also, stir in just enough spaghetti sauce to coat everything.  Either serve over penne pasta, or eat plain.

Bad Kid Kielbasa

A favorite of mine (shocking).  Grill kielbasa and cook up some Kraft Mac 'n Cheese (or make mac n cheese from scratch, which will show up on here after the diet is over).  Slice and add to the mac.

Sweet Kielbasa

In a large pot, mix 2 cups of ketchup, two chopped bell peppers, half a chopped onion, a 15 oz. can of undraind pineapple chunks,and 3/4 c brown sugar.  Mix everything together and add 2 lbs. of sliced kielbasa (no need to preheat).  Bring the mixture to a slow boil, and then take the temp down to a simmer and cook until the veggies are done.

Light summer fare

Feeling both fancy and lazy?  How about some caprese salad to dazzle your taste buds, melt away the extra pounds, and impress your friends (or in my case, my dogs).

The key, of course, is fresh mozarella.  This is a MUST - sliced processed mozarella sucks for this, so get those big, round, gross looking moz balls and slice the heck out of them.  I also highly recommend locally grown tomatos.  I wish I could say "use the ones you grow in your deck garden," but I wouldn't know anything about that since stupid Kane has eaten every single tomato off my plants this year ugh.  Slice those suckers up too.

Season the sliced tomatos with salt and pepper, and then lay the mozarella slices on top.  If you want to add a twist, top each with a single basil leaf.  As other alternative versions, drizzle them with either balsalmic vinegar, pesto sauce, or spread a layer of red pepper hummus between the tomato slice and the mozarella.  Easy, delicious, and the only cleanup you have is to wash the cutting board.

My favorite hearty meal

As any good Texas gal, I love me some comfort food.  So here we are with my favorite meal, which is of course easy and delicious. 

What you need:  fresh sweet corn on the cob, ribeye steak, marinade of your choice, seasoning of your choice, dinner rolls, butter

Buy some sweet corn, preferably from a local food stand (the corn is likely right off the plant, and you can definitely taste the freshness).  I am spoiled rotten here in Virginia, because the sweet corn is so good that you can eat it riht off the cob without cooking it at all.  Of course cooking has its advantages, such as adding depth to the overall flavor.

I usually get my farm-fresh fruit and veggies from Chesterfield Berry Farm, right outside of Richmond.

Find yourself a nice, thick ribeye.  Track down whatever marinade you want to use (or if you like to show off, make it yourself).  I like using the JD Barrel Bourbon marinade, since it is a mix of smokey, sweet, and spicy (and seriously, as a general rule in life, you can't go wrong with Jack). 

Put your ribeye in a shallow bowl and dump a generous supply of marinade over it to coat the top.  Let it sit on the counter to marinate.  If you have a terrible counter-height dog like I do, I recommend letting it sit inside of the microwave so that it stays safe, since ribeyes aren't exactly cheap and watching that disappear down a canine hatch would likely vault me into the "bad place" very quickly.

While the meat is marinating, turn on the grill and let it get up to about 400 degrees.

While the grill is heating, prepare the corn.  Pull down the husks 3/4 of the way, and remove the silk.  After removing the silk, pull the husk back over the corn and trim any extra long pieces off.  Place the cobs into a large bowl of water...you may have to soak one end at a time and then flip the corn around to soak the other end.  You want to thoroughly soak the corn for about 30 minutes before you put it on the grill.

When the corn is done soaking, flip the meat in the marinade bowl to make sure that the flavor soaks into both sides evenly.  Throw the corn on the grill.  Basically, what you are doing is steaming the corn within its own husk.  The purpose of soaking it is to keep the kernals plump, to facilitate the steaming, and to prevent the husk in erupting in flame (I have learned this little gem the hard way).

I prefer ribeye, because it is thick, juicy, and the marbling makes the flavor a lot more rich and irresistable.

Leave the corn in one place for about 5 minutes, and then flip it 90 degrees, and cook it for another 5 mins.  After the 2nd 5 mins is done, flip the cobs another 90 degrees.  At this point, you also want to throw on your meat.  Usually beef is cooked at a lower temp, but the high temperature helps make pretty char marks and also gets the food to your plate faster.

Cook the steak on one side for 5 minutes.  Then, flip the corn to the final quarter, and flip the meat, and cook it for about 4 more minutes for a medium rare finish.  Take the corn and steak off of the grill, and let the meat rest while the corn cools down a bit.  For medium rare, you want the meat pink in the center.

For the record, it was really hard to delay eating this last bite for the sake of a picture opp...

As the meat rests, peel the husks back using paper towels (they are hot hot hot!).  Butter a dinner roll, and sprinkle some seasoning on top of the butter (I like to use garlic, but Old Bay is also delish).  Rub the butter side of the roll up and down the corn to melt and distribute the butter and seasoning all over the kernals (and also to give you melted buttery rolls!).  If you want to throw in a side of mac salad, potato salad, etc, that will finish off the meal nicely.  Dig in.

How to maintain a healthy lifestyle with General Kane

The key to life is keeping a strict schedule.  After eating my cereal in the mornings, I like to get some exercise by running the perimeter of the property with my dog.  This gets my blood flowing.  We then venture inside to see me roommate off to work.  It is then time for the morning nap.

This is me napping with my old dog Lucy.



Sometimes I was unable to nap with my dog because we often like to stretch out.

Following our naps, I like to record things in my journal (I dictate).  This helps me remember things when it comes time to do my accounting on Tuesday.  Ever since my retirement from the service, I have been a man of leisure with the exception of a brief stint as a forest ranger.  That's why I know so much stuff about stuff and why I am so comfortable peeing in the woods.

It is important to eat dinner immediately after my roommate gets home from work, followed by another run of the perimeter.  We then prepare ourselves for bed.  It is important to always regulate sleeping temperature using one leg extended from under the covers.  Try it, and you will thank me.

Temperature regulation

Delicious quinoa

Quinoa is a magical little grain that is jam packed with protein and also tastes great.  I obsess over protein thanks to a long history of migraines and a link to how much protein I eat throughout the day, so naturally, I found myself in the quinoa aisle one day. 

Quinoa is easy to cook...some people say it is similar to cooking rice, but since I am notoriously bad at cooking rice and ridiculously good at cooking quinoa, that is not a fair assessment in my mind.  Anywhooo, cook it up like it says in the box.  I generally don't presoak because the texture with the "shell" doesn't bother me at all.

 

Anyway, I started using quinoa pretty much in place of rice in all dishes.  For example, be bad and order some Chinese food, and feel less bad by making some quinoa to have with it instead of rice.  Problem solved (kind of).  Anyway, the point is, quinoa has a very mild taste so you can sass it up with pretty much anything.  Throw in some black beans, chopped bell peppers, onions, and some vinegar for a fresh cold salad, for example. 

 

Here is one of my favorite recipes that I found on eatingwell.com:

Ingredients

• 12 ounces dry sea scallops, cut into 1/2-inch pieces, or dry bay scallops (see Note)
• 4 teaspoons reduced-sodium tamari, or soy sauce, divided
• 4 tablespoons plus 2 teaspoons canola oil, divided
• 1 1/2 cups quinoa, rinsed well (see Tip)
• 2 teaspoons grated or minced garlic
• 3 cups water
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup trimmed and diagonally sliced snow peas, (1/2 inch thick)
• 1/3 cup rice vinegar
• 1 teaspoon toasted sesame oil
• 1 cup thinly sliced scallions
• 1/3 cup finely diced red bell pepper
• 1/4 cup finely chopped fresh cilantro, for garnish

Preparation

1. Toss scallops with 2 teaspoons tamari (or soy sauce) in a medium bowl. Set aside.
2. Place a large, high-sided skillet with a tight-fitting lid over medium heat. Add 1 tablespoon canola oil and quinoa. Cook, stirring constantly, until the quinoa begins to color, 6 to 8 minutes. Add garlic and cook, stirring, until fragrant, about 1 minute more. Add water and salt and bring to a boil. Stir once, cover and cook over medium heat until the water is absorbed, about 15 minutes. (Do not stir.) Remove from the heat and let stand, covered, for 5 minutes. Stir in snow peas, cover and let stand for 5 minutes more.
3. Meanwhile, whisk 3 tablespoons canola oil, the remaining 2 teaspoons tamari (or soy sauce), vinegar and sesame oil in a large bowl. Add the quinoa and snow peas, scallions and bell pepper; toss to combine.
4. Remove the scallops from the marinade and pat dry. Heat a large skillet over medium-high until hot enough to evaporate a drop of water upon contact. Add the remaining 2 teaspoons canola oil and cook the scallops, turning once, until golden and just firm, about 2 minutes total. Gently stir the scallops into the quinoa salad. Serve garnished with cilantro, if desired.

Nutrition

Per serving: 326 calories; 15 g fat ( 1 g sat , 8 g mono ); 19 mg cholesterol; 32 g carbohydrates; 16 g protein; 4 g fiber; 713 mg sodium; 511 mg potassium.

Super fast to make, super easy to make, super filling, and super healthy woohoo!  A lot of the time when I don't feel like dealing with scallops (or cooking), I throw in some grilled chicken instead.

Quinoa with scallops

Also good to know:  quinoa will keep for about a week without anything mixed in, so it is great to just keep a stash of it in the fridge and mix things up as you go through the week.

The Famous Super Secret Family Chocolate Cake Recipe

Just kidding.  Did you seriously think that I would ever share that?  The glorious recipe will go with me to my grave (and if I have any of this delicious cake before doing that, I won't sleep even when I'm dead).

Day at the Rivah: blue crabs

When your sister comes to visit you, you have two choices around here: 1. show her around a very old, beautiful, and history-laden Richmond, or 2. do what Richmonders do and go "to the rivah."  I like to be authentic about things, so I went with choice two and immediately put her to good use.  Here is a nice, easy way to cook up delicous blue crabs.

Step one:  tough it out through a shopping experience at Walmart, even though it goes against all of your principles to go there the first week of the month (woohoooooo child support AND welfare!) and obtain official looking nets with small holes and multiple packages of turkey necks.  You will also need cotton twine, scissors or a knife (for cutting the twine), a large flower pot, coolers, ice, Old Bay, corn, and whatever other veggies you feel like boiling with the crabs.

Step two:  drive around for 30 extra minutes until you find the crabbing spot that you went to once a year ago and didn't bother to mark on a map.

Step three:  put on your gear so that the locals will be intimidated by your obvious outdoorsiness.

Step four:  Tie your turkey necks to about 10-15 feet of twine, cast them out, pull them in slowly, and net the attached crabs.  Put the crabs in the flower pot.  Sometimes it is easier to have a designated netter.

Wade or perch, pick your technique.

Everytime we caught a crab, Emma would exclaim, "Delicious!"

They call us blue crabs because we are sad that we are about to be eaten.

Step five:  Throw the crabs in a cooler with ice and get them back to the kitchen.

Step six:  Locate the world's largest cooking pot.

When you are done playing Pot Monster, fill it with water about half-two thirds of the way, and dump in large amounts of Old Bay - I use 9-12 oz.

Bring the water to a boil.  When the water is at a steady boil, put in about 12-18 crabs at a time and boil in batches.  They will float to the top and turn bright red...when this happens, boil for about 1-2 more minutes, and then they are ready.  The pot to ready process is anywhere from 8-15 minutes per batch.

Don't I have awesome wallpaper?  I'd like to thank the 85 yr old who built/owned my house before me.

As your crabs cool, throw some sweet corn or whatever other veggies you want into the pot to cook.

Cooling crabs - they lived a full life.

Step seven:  Dump everything on to an outdoor newspaper covered table.  Present the feast to your guests with a dramatic pose.

Enjoy the feast and be prepared for your house to smell like Old Bay for 60-90 days.

I ate 3 crabs, half an ear of corn, and a dinner roll while folks were distracted. - The General

Tuesday: The most important day of the week (General Kane)

In my house, I do my accounting on Tuesdays.  It is very imporant to keep track of important things such as cereal intake, exercise, finances, and Kooks.  As you all know, I am a decorated Vietnam veteran.  While over there, I spent some time as a prisoner of war (they took my thumbs).  I therefore know that the Kooks are always a threat, so I like to keep a weather eye on the situation around the house.

I find that chewing on things while grabbing a nap helps me keep my senses alert.

I bought my dog Millie in order to assist me with guard duty.  Last Tuesday, during my accounting session, I drafted up a log for watch duties.  My roommate is excused because she disappears during the day and can't be counted on for these things.  It turns out, my dog is not interested in my watch log, so therefore, it is all up to me.

Watching for Kooks.

Today, after my cereal, I nibbled on a dry biscuit (I prefer to keep to an army ration based diet to stay sharp).  My main complaint is that it is hard to focus on both accounting and watch duty.  As you can see from my above fotos, I always like to wear my bowtie with my army medals.  I have found that the combination of the two shows everyone that I am both an intellectual and a decorated general.  I feel it is important that people have that warning before they decide to cross me.

You loookin' at me, Snack Shack?!

It's getting hot in here...

Yes, I did just bust out some old school Nelly for you. 

Anyway, I am serious, it is literally getting hot as Hades all over the country these days.

Virginia, 2011

So what's a girl to do when she has guests (or is just plain bored)?  Obviously, the answer is to cool off with a refreshing and unique beverage: the beerita.  How did I come up with the beerita?  It was equal parts creativity, desperation, and adventure.  My initial attempt at the drink was the frozen variety.  I learned two things that night:  1. do not operate a blender after you have been drinking, and 2. do not add the beer until after the blending is complete or it will literally rain on your parade.

So, first, you need winning ingredients:

light beer, 1 can frozen limeade, silver tequila, and a very girly pitcher to class it up

Pour the limeade, 12 oz. silver tequila, 1 bud light (or other light beer), and 16 oz. water into the pitcher and stir (alternatively, pour everything but the beer into a blender with ice and blend til uniformly slushy, add the beer afterwards).  Pour into a glass with ice.

Enjoy the beverage slowly, with a friend, or in the alternative, quickly by yourself

After you are done with drink 1, refill, and keep going til the pitcher is empty.  You will then be faced with an important decision: make another vs. fall asleep on the couch while watching The Goonies.  By the end of the night, things look more like this:

HEY YOU GUYS!!!

Thank you to Moni and Cory for not letting me drink my pitcher alone.  True friends.